Communication

Communication.

In this world of instant, global interconnectedness, communication skills are seen to be very important, we put it on our CVs ? good communication skills. What is communication, is it a skill, is it important? If we mean the ability to persuade people of something, to move them, motivate them, manipulate them, then advertisers, politicians, charismatic religious leaders are good communicators. This is a skill that can be learned to a great extent through the study of psychology and the practice of acting. If you want to be one of the movers and shakers, this is what you need.

But I want to talk about something quite different, something that we might do together, not one do to another. The word ?communication? has the same root as ?common?, which means sharing. If we can share our questions, insights and confusion without trying to convert, persuade or control each other, perhaps there may be a meeting of minds ? a meeting of equals as friends. This requires something quite other than psychological knowledge or acting skill; I cannot be ?better? at meeting you than you are at meeting me ? that?s not meeting at all! So this kind of communication requires some humility, not someone who thinks of themselves as a ?good communicator?. If I?m trying to persuade you, or sell you something, to get you to think or do or be something, that?s not what I mean by communication.

The quality of listening is important here; we need to listen to ourselves and to each other, not accepting or rejecting what is said, but checking it out ? does this make sense, does it agree with my own understanding, am I being honest? I?m not talking about counselling techniques or any method, learned or habitual; anything which is set up in advance can only act as a barrier to us meeting. In listening there needs to be freedom from duty, effort and technique, and a genuine interest in the other person, in what is being said, and in one?s own response. So if I notice that I am getting bored and my attention is wandering, I might ask myself why; is it because nothing interesting is being said, or is something being talked about that I am reluctant to go into, or is there something more important on my mind? Then I might or might not want to say something, or ask something. What I hope I won?t be doing is gritting my teeth and trying to concentrate, or letting the conversation pass by in a dream, and if I find myself doing that, again I will look to see why.

We come here each with our own burden of thought, belief, fear, hope, etc. Our minds are preoccupied with our own affairs, and this is the difficulty. If our minds are already full, there is no room for meeting; there is no room for you in my mind or for me in your mind. In asking ourselves how we can make some space, there is a danger that we will arrive at a method, of meditation or of self-expression, but these things only add to the clutter of our minds, when what we need is some empty space. Can we ask the question, but refuse to answer it?